Or some other shit pun. Sorry, I couldn’t help myself.
As per USAG, Elizabeth Price is retiring from elite gymnastics and will be attending Stanford University later in the year. Price is the only watchable Parkette since forever, and is the current champion of Scam and various other world cup irrelevances. She also, as is de rigeur for Americans these days, is capable of one of the best Amanars the sport has ever seen.
This has led to a certain amount of surprise from gymnastics fans, and it’s true the decision did seem to come out of nowhere. While Price wasn’t really in the running for Rio, she was one of the frontrunners for s spot at worlds this year, if she could stay healthy.
The thing is, as a Parkette, there was every chance that wouldn’t happen. Between Donna Strauss and Marta Karolyi, the poor girl was buggered before she’d even started. If you’re even slightly injury prone, they’ll kill you stone dead and strip the carcass before breakfast. So this is a sensible decision- why not pull out of the race early and still mostly all in one piece. I bet Marta is fucking hopping.
Incidentally, this means the frankly grotty Mykayla Skinner and her one handed Cheng ‘vault’ are a shoo in for worlds. So that should be all shits and giggles.