US Nationals cancelled following Shawn Johnson’s shock retirement

Or not.

Forgive us our little wobble. We’re still reeling from the news that someone who hasn’t been near her gym in weeks, has skipped every camp since fuck knows when and had no chance of getting near the Olympics anyway has chosen to bow to the inevitable.

And marinating in our outrage that she decided to drop her bombshell at a time that would garner maximum publicity and cashmoneymoney. Just imagine, a gymnast making an announcement in the middle of selection season, in order to avoid having to compete and show everyone how far she’s regressed since her last competition! Whatever next? Neither of us have been this devastated or disgusted since the last time we sat through a Romanian bars rotation. At least we know Shawn’s making a few bob out of it.

On the subject of cashmoneymoney, fair play to Chellsie Memmel for choosing not to stfu until a time of her own choosing, either. She’s been named to the post Olympic tour, and no doubt will get a five figure sum out of that one. Good for her. USAG have effectively bought her silence. Stoi! hopes she got the best price she could out of the fuckers, especially after that sack of shit Steve Penney had the gall to ask her to retire so his organisation could save face.

Chellsie has been an unwatchable liability for some years now, her wrecked body as much a consequence of her own poor decision making as USAG’s. She had about as much chance of making it to the Olympics as Shawn did, although for very different reasons. Nonetheless, we are always glad to see a gymnast make money, and are relieved to see that Chellsie seems to make better decisions regarding business than she does about gymnastics. We hope every cent is very sweet, and that she charged an extra 10k for Steve Penney’s insult.

By Clara

19 responses to “US Nationals cancelled following Shawn Johnson’s shock retirement

  • FuckingMarta!

    Poor McKayla Maroney smashing into the floor like that. Did you see her freaky swollen left eye at the end of night two. THATS FREAKY that her eye would swell from slamming flat on her back. EEEH!!
    Fucking Marta pushing Mckayla to improve her floor.

  • Stoi!

    Of course it was an overscore oktiabr! She has what, a 6.4 D score? I could find 0.8 in artistry deductions alone!

  • oktiabr

    I would like your opinion on Raisman’s floor at Visa’s day 2. She got 15.800. Have you seen it yet? How overscored was that? Or was it a fear score?

    Can’t wait for your insight on the Visa Championship.

  • gottaluvgymnastics

    Love this blog lol.. Wish I thought of this

  • G

    luv this blog… you guys seen any of the podium training vids from US natl’s? the girls look so stable and ready. i prefer russian gymnastics with it’s pretty lines and artistry but gosh those american brutes look unbeatable. thoughts???

  • M

    Interesting about Paseka. I am a huge Russian Gymnastics fan, ever since when I was young and watched Khorkina. I’m glad to have found this site.

    I wonder, why the Russians don’t try doing the Cheng vault, it’s the same SV as Amanar and when I watch it, it looks so much easier to do, (even though I know it probably isn’t). It just looks cleaner and simpler to do for me.

  • Stoi!

    M- yes indeed we are. It’s the big Russian event prior to Olympic selection, so a lot could happen. Paseka has already said she’ll debut her Amanar there. Focusing on US Nationals first though.

    Louise, Stoi! has never been a great fan of either gymnast. And I’ve found some of the hysteria re both pretty astonishing, over the past few days (though we’ve allowed comments with links to the Chellsie petition). Neither of these situations was exactly unpredictable. However, we see no issue at all with each of them squeezing every last cent from this. You’re a long time retired.

  • Christiane

    Hahaha, loved the Romanian bars rotation comment! Followed by all those nasty Amanars, I suppose… 😉

  • M

    Stoi – Are you excited for Russian cup next week? just to see how everyone is coming along.

  • M

    LOL, I love this site. Great writeup

  • evilapprentice

    ROFL. Shawn Johnson. That is all.

  • christina

    Well, at least Romanians don’t pretend they don’t suck at bars
    (I’d more pissed if she announced it the day of the competition though)

  • Stoi!

    You seem to have missed the point Louise.

    • Louise Anderson

      See below in my comment to anon. I guess I did. 🙂 I didn’t get the connection btwn the two gymnasts. But I love your blog. I’ve been checking it desperately for days hoping for a new post. Your humor generally makes my day.

  • Louise Anderson

    So you “marinate in outrage” when Shawn intelligently chooses to retire at a time that brings in money, but say “we are always glad to see a gymnast make money” in regards to Chellsie? They both made careful, smart decisions that benefitted them. One disappointed her fans and one had her silence bought – both at their own perogative. There is no difference and I say good for both of them. Let them make money from their sport – who cares?

    • Anonymous

      do you have no sense of humor? this entire post is complete sarcasm

      • Louise Anderson

        I love this blog and I find her super funny – I just didn’t get the sarcasm in this one – which part was sarcastic and which part wasn’t? Was it all sarcastic? Obviously the title was the Shawn part was, but was the Chellsie part? I just didn’t get the two together.

  • Alice

    No really… you were so devastated when the romanian gymnasts competed on bars??? you are really unfair..

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