US Nationals cancelled following Shawn Johnson’s shock retirement

Or not.

Forgive us our little wobble. We’re still reeling from the news that someone who hasn’t been near her gym in weeks, has skipped every camp since fuck knows when and had no chance of getting near the Olympics anyway has chosen to bow to the inevitable.

And marinating in our outrage that she decided to drop her bombshell at a time that would garner maximum publicity and cashmoneymoney. Just imagine, a gymnast making an announcement in the middle of selection season, in order to avoid having to compete and show everyone how far she’s regressed since her last competition! Whatever next? Neither of us have been this devastated or disgusted since the last time we sat through a Romanian bars rotation. At least we know Shawn’s making a few bob out of it.

On the subject of cashmoneymoney, fair play to Chellsie Memmel for choosing not to stfu until a time of her own choosing, either. She’s been named to the post Olympic tour, and no doubt will get a five figure sum out of that one. Good for her. USAG have effectively bought her silence. Stoi! hopes she got the best price she could out of the fuckers, especially after that sack of shit Steve Penney had the gall to ask her to retire so his organisation could save face.

Chellsie has been an unwatchable liability for some years now, her wrecked body as much a consequence of her own poor decision making as USAG’s. She had about as much chance of making it to the Olympics as Shawn did, although for very different reasons. Nonetheless, we are always glad to see a gymnast make money, and are relieved to see that Chellsie seems to make better decisions regarding business than she does about gymnastics. We hope every cent is very sweet, and that she charged an extra 10k for Steve Penney’s insult.

By Clara