It’s Aly Raisman.
Has to be. Don’t fight it, Stoi! readers. We’re going to tell you why.
Traditionally, Raisman has been considered a power gymnast. This is because she is an astonishing tumbler, gets big height on vault, flexes her feet throughout her beam routine and on bars, shows all the extension of a dead dog on crack. To be fair to her, she’s done very well to get to that level on the event with Mihai Brestyan as a coach (motto ‘just because I’m not in Romania anymore, doesn’t mean we can’t piss on the memory of Nadia’s first 10 at every opportunity). I don’t underestimate how remarkable that achievement is, in context. Nonetheless, her bars remain execrable.
Yet, clearly, international judges like Aly on this event. They obviously see something the rest of us don’t. We thought nothing could top her 12.9 in the Tokyo AA, which by our calculation would have been mid 15.5s if she’d hit. But Scam came very close.
This routine genuinely gave Bronwyn’s cat an episode.
When that set can get 14.333 from an apparently international judging panel, it’s time to get up and go home. Seriously. Game over. Fuck Bross, Liukin, Caquatto, Li, even Douglas. We have a winner. There can be but one choice for the US bars specialist slot in London. Raisman.
Perhaps they were giving her an originality bonus for debuting the tucked Tkatchev. Fingers crossed she throws it in London. I can hardly wait.