A few of my favorite bangs.

Serious posts aside, this is a sort-of-response to Clara’s post on curly girls.

Grab your Aquanet girls, ‘cuz I’m handing out medals to a few of my favorite banglicious babes.

GOLD: Viktoria Karpenko (UKR), the unibanger.

Probably my all-time favorite gymnast, Vika showed up to the 1998 (Sc)American Cup with two serious assets: a) an arsenal of high level routines, and b) claw bangs that could help scale Mt. Everest. But the crowning moment in the career of Karpenko’s bangs came in the floor finals at the 2000 European Championships when this classic commentary took place…

Bart: “Look at her bangs! Is that like an airfoil?”

Nadia: “Great hairspray, Bart!”

SILVER: Tatiana Nabieva (RUS), blonde ambitchin’.

Whether she’s snatching up camera time from her more talented teammates, or posting slutty Facebook photos of herself, Nabs isn’t afraid to curl those bangs up ‘90’s style.

She’s also podium worthy for her ever-changing and often spastic facial expressions, reminiscent of a cheap soap opera. Or a Tourette’s patient.

At Stoi!, we celebrate eurotrash.

BRONZE: Olga Teslenko (UKR), all banged up.

Rounding out the podium is Karpenko’s less-famous teammate. Though her bangs were often the biggest, I can’t give her the gold because those things are a touch on the untidy side (I imagine that hot oil treatments are hard to come by in Ukraine).

Now, I’ve owned a couple handfuls of curling irons in my time, but I can’t think of one that could make a bang this big. I reckon she heated up a rolling pin in Mama Teslenko’s kiln. More bang(s) for her buck I suppose.

-Posted by Bronwyn


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